What Things Will Be Like When Lockdown Is Over
1) Being Able To Touch People
Person A: What is this?
Person B: A handshake
Person A: …What’s that?
Person B: When two people hold hands then shake them.
Person A: That’s incredibly dangerous! What if you catch Coronavirus?!
Person B: CORONAVIRUS IS OVER.
Person A: Oh right…
Person B: So shake hands?
Person A: Okay
Person B: …
Person A: Can you teach me how to do that?
2) Meeting People
Person A: Hi!
Person B: Hi! How are you?
Person A: Good. Let me put you on speakerphone
Person B: What?
Person A: I said let me put you on speakerphone?
Person B: …You can’t do that
Person A: Why?
Person B: Because we are not on a call.
Person A: What? Yes we are!
Person B: No we are not
Person A: How can I be talking to you if we’re not on the phone?
Person B: Coronavirus is over! We are meeting in person.
Person A: Meeting in what?
3) Travelling
Person A: I’ve always wanted to go to England.
Person B: Why don’t we do it next month?
Person A: …We can’t
Person B: Why?
Person A: Lockdown
Person B: Lockdown ended last month.
Person A: No it didn’t.
Person B: Yes it did.
Person A: No it didn’t! Besides, even if it did how would we go there.
Person B: By airplane? What do you mean how would we…You forgot what an airplane is didn’t you?
Person A: No!
Person B: …
Person A: Maybe
4) Using Public Transport
Person A: What-?
Person B: This is a bus.
Person A: …Yes I know
Person B: It’s okay you don’t have to pretend to remember what a bus is.
Person A: I’m not pretending!
Person B: You didn’t remember what a handshake and airplane or even what meeting in person was! You expect me to believe you remembered what a bus is?
Person A: I did remember what a bus is! So maybe I forgot a few things! It doesn’t mean I forgot everything so stop assuming things!
Person B: Okay okay, I’m sorry.
Person A: Thank you.
Person B: So what were you going to say?
Person A: What are all those people doing sitting next to each other? Shouldn’t they be social distancing?
5) Not Wearing A Mask
Person A: Why aren’t you wearing a mask?
Person B: Nope! I’m done! Goodbye!
